Despite advantages in wealth and education, women from more privileged backgrounds are more likely to stay with cheating spouses than women from lower socio-economic groups, according to international private investigator Julia Hartley Moore.
Julia who has 20 years of specialist expertise in uncovering infidelity said women who stay in relationships after an affair has been uncovered often do so for social and financial reasons.
"I’ve found this to be particularly true for wealthy women who have come from privileged backgrounds."
On the eve of the relaunch of her internationally successful book - Infidelity - Julia had some candid advice particularly for women caught in the infidelity trap.
"All too often women put money - those overseas trips, expensive cars and nice clothes - ahead of their personal wellbeing and happiness," she said.
"People who stay fear losing a lifestyle that they are accustomed to and don’t have the self-belief that they deserve happiness and are more than capable of making it on their own."
She said upbringing can also play a key part in whether a woman chooses to stay with an adulterous partner.
"Women from privileged backgrounds are often brought up without any money worries and are inadvertently conditioned to think that others will provide for them," she said.
"Often the mothers of these women weren’t particularly strong role models and subtly instilled through their actions a belief in their children that they should put up with unsatisfactory relationships."
Julia said women also need to stop finding excuses for infidelity.
"It never fails to amaze me how willing some women are to accept what are clearly outright lies by their partner and apportion some of the blame on themselves for why they strayed.
"Instead of thinking: ‘I can’t stay’, women look for excuses or blame themselves for their partner’s transgression.
"It’s their partner who is entirely at fault no one else. It’s his issues and his problems and he needs to own them fairly and squarely."
For those of her clients who uncover infidelity, Julia said she refers them onto a psychologist to help them improve their self-confidence and achieve a better outlook on life.
"I also refer them onto a matrimonial specialist to find out where they stand in terms of financial entitlements in the relationship. Quite often where a partner has been hiding an affair they have also been hiding the full extent of the couple’s finances and wealth. Knowledge is power which is why I encourage women to find out as much as they can before deciding on a course of action.
"Women who choose to leave don’t need to be bullied into accepting whatever financial offers are made by their partner and they don’t need to leave the matrimonial home."
For couples who choose to remain together after an affair, Julia said it is important not to ‘rehash it’ every five minutes.
"What is important is for the partner who strayed to show their commitment to changing. This can include the person actively seeking counselling or demonstrating in a number of subtle ways that they have changed their behaviour. I have even seen people agreeing to turn over all their financial wealth to the other partner, as a way of demonstrating their long-term commitment to the relationship."
For the partners of high profile figures who have been caught cheating, Julia said they shouldn’t have to explain their reasons for staying or leaving.
"Usually, they haven’t actively sought to be in the public eye - it’s their partner who has. As a result, they shouldn’t be required to do the explaining it’s their partner who needs to front up to public scrutiny."
Having uncovered infidelity in previous relationships, Julia said she knows all too well the heartache that it can cause.
"I was only 20 and the mother of three children under five when I decided to leave my first husband after catching him years earlier cheating with a friend of mine. Back then a lot of people would have thought that it might have been easier for me to turn a blind eye to it all but instead I chose to put my happiness ahead of the agony of living with an adulterer."
After making that life-changing decision, Julia said she never looked back and went on to forge a successful international career in the field of private investigation. She is also a motivation speaker and has authored three international best-selling books: Infidelity, Suddenly Single and Julia Moore PI.
"If I could do it with three children and no money, then anyone is more than capable of taking charge of the direction of their life and turning what is a difficult and distressing situation into a personal triumph."
